Thursday, September 10, 2009

Tears & Tantrums - For Two

Last night was one of the worst evenings EVER in my 14 months of being a Mommy. I can now say that I have sobbed hysterically in a Chick Fila parking lot. Not the best claim to fame!! lol

It's a little funny now, but I'm still exhausted. Will probably be funnier in about a year. Or thirty.

Little Miss has been sick. Last Thursday (a week ago!) she started getting congested, so the doctor called her in a prescription for her cough and runny nose. No big deal, Little Miss wasn't all that bothered by any of it. Monday, however, after her nap, she woke up with a 103+ fever! Scary moments. I did a cool bath, called the on call doc (of COURSE the one time in her life she's run fever and its on a holiday!!) and they said to alternate motrin and tylenol and call them in the morning to bring her in if she hadn't stopped running it by then. Well the fever immediately came down to 101 and stayed in that ballpark and lower back and forth with the medicine over the night. We took her in Tuesday and it turns out she had a double ear infection. Poor Miss! No wonder she'd been so upset. We got an antibiotic, and praise God, she has been taking her medicines easily.

So, stressed from all that, I was super relieved to see how better she felt Tuesday. Wednesday morning we had a great time doing housework and playing. Since she was feeling better, my mom kept her for a few hours so I could have a "writing day" - my last one befor conference next week. I picked her up, we all went to do some errands and go to Chick Fila. During the errands, Little Miss started getting grumpy. She was tired, needed another nap, and you could tell she was feeling bad again. She also had barely eaten in two days because of her congestion and medicines, she's had very little appetite and its been all we could do to get liquids in her and a few goldfish crackers here and there. So I know she had to be hungry, but still didn't want to eat.

She cried CONSISTENTLY in Chick Fila. Non stop. Pointed to things, we'd give them to her, she'd shove them away. Wanted something then nothing. Wanted everything than nothing. NOTHING could satisfy her. She wasn't screaming-crying, but it was loud, and it was nonstop. My stress level built until I snapped emotionally. Teary myself, I scooped her out of the high chair, told my parents whom I was with "this is embarassing" and ran out into the parking lot with Little Miss. At first I just walked, trying to calm her down but she cried on until I finally just joined her. We leaned against my parent's car (I had ridden with my mom and couldn't leave!) and both of us just cried. I felt like a mothering failure! My dad came out to help, but nothing worked. Finally we just loaded up our leftover food I hadn't gotten to eat and drove to their house to get my car. My mom tried to assure me that Little Miss just didn't feel good, that these things happened to all moms at some point, that it wasn't my fault, etc. That she'd been there before too. We all thought since Little Miss had a good day she was feeling 100% again, and that obviously was just not true. We also all knew she's cutting two more teeth which is enough to make anyone miserable alone, even without being sick and having earaches too.

Little Miss immediately fell asleep in the car and slept about 10 minutes and that seemed to do the trick. She was fine after that, tired still but pretty happy. I took her straight home, at the end of my rope emotionally and fighting a cold myself. The whole way home I was thinking crazy thoughts like "what if she isn't feeling poorly and we're just making excuses? What if her teeth and ears aren't bothering her after all and she's just going to be a "bad" kid and this is what will happen every time we're in the public for the next 12 years?" I knew the thoughts were ridiculous but they were there, haunting me.

We got home, and I hadn't stopped crying myself since leaving chick fila. My eyes were red and puffy and sore. I took us inside, put our leftover food which neither of had touched on the floor on napkins, turned on Gilmore Girls, and we had a picnic. Little Miss immediately picked up her entire chicken strip (remember, she hadn't eaten in two days basically!) and part of my sandwich bread in the other hand, and tottered around the living room, talking, eating, and watching Gilmore Girls. She'd stop for juice, on her own (after two days of us having to force her to drink!) and took long sips, then would smile at me, say "ma ma" all sweet several times, and keep playing and eating. She put away the entire chicken and bread and nearly her whole cup of juice.

I was confused, but not about to ask questions!!! So I ate too, we enjoyed our show (Little Miss loves Lorelei and Rory! lol) and then I did her bath, meds and bed. She slept great and is in a wonderful mood today so far. Still coughing and a little snuffly, no fever though for 3 days. Whew.

Still not sure what all went on last night. I do know I over reacted myself (wonder where Little Miss gets THAT from! ha!) with my crazy thoughts of her being chronically "bad" for the rest of her life. She's a GOOD girl and I tell her that all the time. She is SO sweet. Which I think is why when she does have her rare moments, its such a shock that I panic and think our life as we know it is over.

Veteran mommies, any advice? Any encouragement? AM I crazy??? lol Please tell me you've thought that too!!!!!


Hannah Nicholls Hough said...

Hey girl, I'm so sorry to hear about all that. I just want you to know that that has happened to me on several occasions. Carter is very hard to keep entertained during a meal. I have to bring snacks, toys, etc to keep him busy. It also takes several days for their ears to feel better, so don't be surprised if she gets fussy again.

You're a great mom. This is just all part of mothering. Keep up the hard work. :-)

Rachel said...

Ear infections are no fun! I had a double one about 10 years and have never fully recovered from it.

I'm glad she's feeling better! See you next week!

Elizabeth Byler Younts said...

sounds so much like my sweet little girl is. SO GOOD about 95% of the time but suddenly we have an awful few hours or day or so & I'm wondering "is this going to last"...and it never has. But we've had our breakdowns and frustrating moments but in the do what you gotta do...a picnic on the floor of the living room...sooooo been there. :-) Sounds like we parent the same way. :-) GOOD JOB's not an easy job but it's the best one!

R. Willis said...

Yes! You're crazy! All Mom's are crazy! Children make you that way. If you're not worrying about them being sick, you're worrying about getting in a car accident, you survive and your child doesn't, or the daycare burning to the ground and you're child is the ONLY one left inside.

Luke has had his moments. After five minutes of the pointing and fusing and wanting nothing, we leave. I know I'll snap emotionally if I stay and let him fuse. But just because you did, doesn't make you a bad Mom. Or just because 'Lil Miss wasn't in a good mood, doesn't make you a bad Mom either.

A lot of times Luke wants to hang out with Eric and not me, or snuggle with him, and not me. I feel like I'm a bad Mom because my son doesn't want to have anything to do with me when his Daddy is in the room or at home.

But it's those rare moments when he'll crawl up on the couch next to me, or sit in my lap and give me a big hug that reminds me that just because he acts up or loves hanging out with is Daddy doesn't make me a bad Mom.

We are the people in their lives that care for them and are appointed to lead them towards Christ.

As far as your emotional break down, don't be embarrassed. We all have them, and any mother would know how you feel. I actually think crying with your child because they're upset is a resemblance of what Christ does when we're upset.

So, you see, everything you do and say reveals Christ to your children. It's good for them to see the good, bad, ugly and insecurities of their parents. That's what lets them know Mom and Dad are human just like me.

Mandy said...

Betsy, so funny i read this today, after Mav had the biggest fit ever for the first time at a restaurant yesterday. we were eating at sushiko and it was getting close to his naptime. nothing was satifying him and jack and i had to take turns walking outside with mav while the other one finished eating. i was SOOO embarrassed! finally we packed up and left. i just knew everyone in there was thinking "cant they get that kid under control!" he fell asleep immediately in the car. those restaurant meltdowns are scary!
hope Audrey is well now!!