Monday, July 18, 2011

I found where my sanity hangs out...

...and apparently, it's in Barnes & Noble, tucked away between the pages of a new journal and lingering in the bottom of my Starbucks white chocolate mocha.

Yesterday, hubby came home from the lake with his cousin (he had made plans before Little Miss got sick, and I wanted him to keep them) and I said "I. Have. To. Leave." This was Sunday, and I hadn't left the house since Little Miss got sick Wednesday night, except for a one hour exception Thursday morning and a two hour excursion to the doctor and pharmacy on Friday. If I didn't put on makeup and heels and leave the house for something non-toddler/sick related, I was going to implode. It's rare I get like this, after all, I'm a Mommy, and God gave us extra patience for these types of things. I WANTED to be with Little Miss, but now that she's not sick anymore, she's just dealing with the pain of the leftover blisters/ulcers in her mouth, it was getting difficult to keep said patience. She's whiny and tired and pushing her limits because of the sympathy she's gotten over the past week, and I'm starting to have a hard time determining when to discipline and when to let things slide because of knowing she's hurting. I spend my time crying when she cries from the pain, and berating myself for fussing at her when she wastes food (tells me she's hungry, takes one bite and says ow, and refuses to try again) and wracking my brain to think of things to distract her from it all.

The good news is I'm down on the scale, probably being sympathy/misery loves company, and because I haven't been able to eat much either - when it's meal time, I'm literally dropping pizza or mac n cheese down her throat like a mama bird...because if it touches her lips, she spazzes.

So you can imagine when Hubby came home and I put her down for a nap, how quickly I threw on a new shirt, heels and makeup, and bolted out the door. I felt like Braveheart in my soul - "FREEEEEEDOOOOMMMMMM". Then felt a little guilty for feeling so happy to be leaving. Then realized I deserved it, and there would be no more guilt. (moms - hear that! you deserve breaks!) Because of hubby's schedule the past few days, it'd be all me, all the time, and well... I was used up.

The next 2 1/2 hours consisted of Miranda Lambert blasting in my car at top volume, me roaming the aisles of Barnes & Nobles, a tall, nonfat white chocolate mocha, a lemon raspberry square, plotting out my entire next YA proposal by hand in a notebook (hand cramp but so worth it!) selecting magazines and children's books to surprise Hubby and the Little Miss later at home (you should have seen the looks on the faces of the guys in the hunting magazine section when I started pulling bowhunting mags off the, "her? really"? hahaha) and treating myself to Julie Klassen's 2010 novel, The Silver Governess. :)

I was renewed!

I hope I can keep those positive feelings in the forefront today as Hubby heads to work and Little and I gear up for Day 5 of what I've now dubbed Seriously Evil Virus from Hades.

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