This is a heavy post, because I'm just heavy hearted. Seems like lately there is so much death and sadness and health scares everywhere I look. Not sure if this is more common in general or if I'm just more aware of issues now that I'm older and an adult and know to watch for them. Not only my leg and the treatment I had done last week, but also from watching my mother in law in the sate she's in, and them expecting a funeral this week or next, and also watching the broken hearts of the family of a girl I knew from church my entire life pass away last Thursday night from a second battle with cancer. Now I've found a mole/freckle/birthmark spot on Little Miss's head, under her hair above her ear, that I believe has been there her whole life but now my paranoia over my own skin cancer issue has kicked in full force and I'm consumed by this little spot.
I know God is still in control. I know the world will has its troubles and I know our focus is supposed to be on Heaven. I know these things, and trust these things, and believe the promises God gave us in His word about never leaving us nor forsaking us. But wow, some days its harder than others, isn't it? Some days the fear gets control and we get paranoid, we get hypochondriac tendencies, we get consumed with the possibilities and the what ifs and the grief of what is or was.
I don't know why God has allowed this with my mother in law. I don't know why God took a 31 year old new mother after she'd already beaten cancer once. But at the same time, I don't know why He chose to have my skin cancer be such a mild, non-issue when all was said and done. Why NOT me, you know? It's all so hard to understand. I'm grateful for His mercies and His blessings, heartbroken for the ones whom it seems haven't had much of that lately.
It just all goes back to God is God, and I am not, and while that's at times frustrating, its more so just a big relief that I don't HAVE to have it all figured out. I just can rest in His hands. I hope that's what Vanessa's family is doing today. That's what my family, gathered around my mother in law, is trying to do. Vanessa is praising Jesus to His face right now, no longer imagining His glory but viewing it firsthand. Soon my mother in law will be in the same crowd of saints beside her. And while we're left to mourn, we're praising too because we have the hope that one day we'll all be together again.
How do non-Christians do it without that hope?? Boggles my mind. If you're not convinced of where you'll go when you die, if you don't have the hope of heaven for eternity, please email me privately or message me here or find me on FB. Something. Don't wonder anymore. Time is too, too short.
Prayers appreciated for my mother in law and our family during this time, and for my own fearful self that I'll stop letting Satan get a foothold on my insecurities and fears and let God's grace, light, and peace fill those bothersome holes instead. Thank you friends.
If you have prayer requests for this heavy Monday yourself, please share. We need to support each other.
