So today, I'm a little nervous.
Okay, that might be the biggest understatement of my entire life. I'm more than a little nervous. I'm actually making up songs in my head to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It" and exchaging the word happy for "nervous" or "shaking". (hey, it gave my crit buds a good laugh!)
What am I doing that's so scary? What is happening in my life that is such a dramatic, horribly big deal that would cause such stress and anxiety and body malfunctions???
I'm speaking at my old church.
But no no, there's more.
Tonight, at 6:30 central time, I will be speaking to a group of about 350 women, all gathered together to eat and actually listen to the more well-known keynote speaker. Thankfully, I get to speak first, so I will be able to concentrate on the speaker after me. Whew. The theme of the night is "Dinner & A Story". Since I grew up in this church and am now published, the women's ministry coordinator asked me to come give a quick talk on my publication journey and how God plots our lives. Sounds simple. She forgot to mention the 350 people part and the fact that I'll actually be on a STAGE, with a microphone and a podium. :::Shiver:::
Truthfully, I'm honored to be asked. I'm excited and looking forward to it, I really am. Just wish I didn't turn blotchy red and shake when placed front & center before a large crowd. I'll probably keep a death grip on the mic to still my hands and hope I don't drop my notes from my fluttering fingers! At least the red/blotchiness is easily handled - I'm wearing a button up shirt and suit jacket! (too bad its not November, I could wear a turtleneck!)
I'm really NOT a shy person. Put me with a group of friends and I'll have a blast. I can teach Sunday School small groups or talk to a group of coworkers at one time with no problem. Its the crowd-aspect that makes my stomach feel like a rock and sends me shaking so hard people wonder if I'm having a reaction of some kind. I can even do small talks or speak in front of people when its spontaneous, without problem. Its the planning part, the "its coming, its coming!" part that makes me quiver. I think I just don't like anticipation - same with roller coasters. I hate riding roller coasters because of the waiting-in-line time. I stand there and get nervous and think of all the horrible things that could happen to me and dwell on the fact that I really don't want to drop so many stories/feet in a small, metal car. But one December we took a family trip to Disney World, and there was NO lines. None. We walked straight up to the biggest rides there, and got straight on the cars. And I had a blast! No dreading-time. Just straight fun.
So I guess the moral of the story is, if you want me to speak for you, ask me about 30 minutes in advance. LOL
Just kidding. =P
Seriously, I'm nervous but excited, and I know God will be on that stage with me. He gave me the words I'm going to say and of that I'm certain. This will be a good stretch for me and will prepare me for future speaking events (Lord willing) as my writing ministry increases (again, Lord willing).
Even so, your prayers would be sincerely appreciated today!!! =)