Tuesday, August 01, 2006

True Story

I don't usually post twice in one day.

Today was an exception.

A few minutes ago, I finished up a scene on my WIP and signed off the computer, ready to call it a night. Hubby had been visting his mom in a neighboring town about twenty minutes away, and I figured he should be coming home any minute. I went to the bedroom to get my cell phone from my purse to call and check on him, and then reached to turn on the lamp. "And what to my terrified eyes should appear, but a spider on the wall, much too near..."

I screamed. Dropped the cell phone. Realized I needed the cell phone. Then ran. In that order.

Did I mention I don't do spiders?? It was crawling slowly along the wall, next to the crown molding...DIRECTLY ABOVE OUR BED. I'm still shivering.

So, I'm speed dialing Hubby while staring a hole at the spider, practically daring it to move. Unfortunately, my concentrated gaze just causes me to grow more and more terrified as the details of this spider come into focus. It was huge. I'm not exaggerating. Daddy-long-leg huge, but was definitely NOT a daddy-long-leg (as we say here in the South).

Hubby was on his way home, but wasn't nearly close enough yet, so I call my parents for moral support while I stand guard on the opposite end of the bedroom, keeping an eagle eye on The Invader. Dad's reaction was like "oh SWEET, a bug!" and I hear my mom through the line, yelling "Don't say that, you're making it worse!" etc.

Dad finally realizes he won't get any peace from either of us, so he decides to try to beat Hubby to the house to rescue me. He passes the phone to Mom who keeps me company while he heads this way. Of course, Hubby and Dad get here at the same time, and I relunctantly leave my Post to unlock the door. I hear "The calvary is here!" as they march inside, armed with Raid and flyswatters and matching big grins. Like this is a joke???

"JUST KILL IT" I'm in a full fledge panic by now, dancing around in pyschotic circles with my mom still connected to the cell phone attached to my ear, chattering away.

Then, I kid you not - he REALLY did this - Hubby looks at the spider, says, "pppsshh...that little thing?" then stands on top of the dresser with a napkin (I would have chosen an AK-47, myself) leans in really close, and starts baby talking it. "Was she being mean to you, widdle spider??"

I had to leave the room.

I remember Mom is still on the phone, so we say goodnight and I go to the kitchen, where Dad and Hubby are now leaning over the half-crushed spider wrapped in the napkin. They finally admit I had NOT been exaggerating, it was definitely daddy-long-leg size.


I'm SO calling Permatox tomorow! $29 bucks a month for THIS??? Nuh uh.


GeorgianaD said...

LOLOL! I have to show your post to my husband. He thinks the girls and I are too squeamish. We're right in line with you!

Rebecca said...

OH, Bets --that's just too funny.
I can do spiders -- I hate snakes!
Bonnie doesn't do spiders so I'm sure she'd sympathize with you.


Malia Spencer said...

Roaches. I hate them! Especially the B-52 bombers that fly at you. Eww! I start freaking out and calling for my dad. The dog is sort of half trained in killing them. She hasn't fully figured out what to do after she puts her paw over them. I really miss our last dog, she could kill it all the way.

Now after the dog puts her paw it over it I grab Dad's shoe, crush and leave for him to pick up in the morning. I hate those things enough if they are trapped I'll kill it but won't go hunting them. :)

Sissy! said...

Wow sissy- that sounds so much like my story except my spider was seriously the size of a small dog. No wait, I think I called him a wooly mammoth. I am SO feeling your pain & panic of this one!!!!

Us chicken-terrified-of-spider sissies have to stick together!!!

Luv you!

dr_bristow said...

Oh my goodness, I can totally relate! A couple months ago, there was a spider above my bed, and it was enormous, and I tried to smash it with a flip-flop, but I missed, and it fell behind the bed, and I had to sleep downstairs on my couch for like a month until the thing resurfaced and I could get it killed!
Oh yeah, and I like your blog. It's nice to meet you. God bless!

Kathy Brown said...

Hi. I found your blog by clicking "random" on the CWO ring. It was great to see an article that I could TOTALLY relate to! You must see quite a few being so far south and near the gulf. I moved far west and north and, lo and behold, very few spiders!
Permatox might be a more economic solution, however.....