True Story

I don't usually post twice in one day.

Today was an exception.

A few minutes ago, I finished up a scene on my WIP and signed off the computer, ready to call it a night. Hubby had been visting his mom in a neighboring town about twenty minutes away, and I figured he should be coming home any minute. I went to the bedroom to get my cell phone from my purse to call and check on him, and then reached to turn on the lamp. "And what to my terrified eyes should appear, but a spider on the wall, much too near..."

I screamed. Dropped the cell phone. Realized I needed the cell phone. Then ran. In that order.

Did I mention I don't do spiders?? It was crawling slowly along the wall, next to the crown molding...DIRECTLY ABOVE OUR BED. I'm still shivering.

So, I'm speed dialing Hubby while staring a hole at the spider, practically daring it to move. Unfortunately, my concentrated gaze just causes me to grow more and more terrified as the details of this spider come into focus. It was huge. I'm not exaggerating. Daddy-long-leg huge, but was definitely NOT a daddy-long-leg (as we say here in the South).

Hubby was on his way home, but wasn't nearly close enough yet, so I call my parents for moral support while I stand guard on the opposite end of the bedroom, keeping an eagle eye on The Invader. Dad's reaction was like "oh SWEET, a bug!" and I hear my mom through the line, yelling "Don't say that, you're making it worse!" etc.

Dad finally realizes he won't get any peace from either of us, so he decides to try to beat Hubby to the house to rescue me. He passes the phone to Mom who keeps me company while he heads this way. Of course, Hubby and Dad get here at the same time, and I relunctantly leave my Post to unlock the door. I hear "The calvary is here!" as they march inside, armed with Raid and flyswatters and matching big grins. Like this is a joke???

"JUST KILL IT" I'm in a full fledge panic by now, dancing around in pyschotic circles with my mom still connected to the cell phone attached to my ear, chattering away.

Then, I kid you not - he REALLY did this - Hubby looks at the spider, says, "pppsshh...that little thing?" then stands on top of the dresser with a napkin (I would have chosen an AK-47, myself) leans in really close, and starts baby talking it. "Was she being mean to you, widdle spider??"

I had to leave the room.

I remember Mom is still on the phone, so we say goodnight and I go to the kitchen, where Dad and Hubby are now leaning over the half-crushed spider wrapped in the napkin. They finally admit I had NOT been exaggerating, it was definitely daddy-long-leg size.

HA.

I'm SO calling Permatox tomorow! $29 bucks a month for THIS??? Nuh uh.