Blessings in the dark...

The past few weeks has been very off routine for us with everything we've had going on with my mother in law, the funeral, the snow/ice closing roads, me not being able to work, etc. Not to mention my sister's move to El Paso, my parents driving cross country with her to help her settle in, and all the drama Little Miss and I have had with the dermotologist. (Ps - my stitches are out, my wound is healing, I'm investing in $15 scar cream that says to apply 3-4 times DAILY!!! and so far so good...but its just this funky mark on my leg I doubt will ever go away completely. Oy.)

My Little Miss is like her mama and thrives on routine. She's used to having a schedule, used to a concept of normal, used to seeing her nana 2-3 times a week, etc. Instead this week has been a blur of babysitters and Mama gone more than usual, then all of a sudden Mama AND Dada home more than usual, but no Nana's house and no getting out and about because of the weather. It's enough to throw her into more tantrums than usual, and enough to have her suddenly clingy to me at bedtime and naptime.

We've never done the co-sleeping thing. When she was very little we'd nap sitting up together in the chair, and we shared a bed on vacation in Gulf Shores last September because it was the only option, etc. But she's always been happy and content in her bed (crib) in her room and that's been something we've stayed firm about.

But because of the upheaval, every time I've gone to put Little Miss in her bed this week for nap or bedtime, she cries, sobs, wails, begs me to stay, uses creative stall tactics, the works. "Don't leave mama", "mama I need you", "mama I wanna sleep in your bed". It's really hard to stay firm but I refuse to start a bad sleeping habit at age 2 1/2 when we've made it thus far so successfully!

So I decided to get creative too. The other day I started telling Little Miss that if she felt alone or scared in her room, she could talk to God and that God was always there. She knows God from prior conversations, from church, from us talking about God making the moon and stars, from bedtime prayers, etc. So she understood. But she didn't get why she couldn't see God. She kept asking if He was hiding. I said no, God was there, she just had to talk to him even though she couldn't see him. She thought about that a while, but we kept struggling to make it clear. Finally, I said "well why don't you pretend that you can see God and talk to Him that way?"

She shook her head with such force her hair bounced. "Noooooooo! I don't want a pretend God! I want a real God!!!!!!"

Wow.

I just sat back and stared at her, eyes wide, my heart heavy and suddenly light all at once. How true is that? How many times had I cried the same thing silently in the dark? I WANT A REAL GOD! I've wanted a God I could see better, trust more, hear more clearly. I wanted a God to fix it, heal it, ease it, erase it. I wanted a God I could understand. A "real" God.

But then that would mean He wasn't the real God at all.

My definition of real had somehow started easing, in the midst of tragedy, toward fake.

Sometimes its easy to let our faith play pretend, to go through the motions of make believe without fully participating. I committed right there in her room that I was going to focus on the REAL God and quit doubting, quit lamenting, quit whining, quit trying to understand. Quit trying to expect God to be something He wasn't.

Because He's SO much more.

After gathering myself, I quickly assured Little Miss that God is very, very much real. And in that moment I FELT the truth of that statement more than I had in a long time...

Blessings in the dark.

Snow Day Shenanigans

These are some pics from our snow day last Friday!

As you can see Little Miss had a blast and we all had a nice morning outside, free of the drama and heaviness of the past week. Much needed! :)

Snow Day!

It's a snow day today. We have several inches of accumulated snow and ice! This is rare for us in North Louisiana :)

I woke Little Miss up at 8:30 and while the snow was still falling we bundled up and played outside with Da-Da for awhile! She immediately flopped down and made snow angels and then chased me with snow/ice balls. haha. She was waddling from her many layers. (and made me put on her clean shoes because her dirty outside shoes were leaving muddy tracks in the snow - not acceptable! Yes, somehow I am raising a diva) ;)

Now we're inside by a roaring fire, coloring and eating apple turnovers. Not a bad way to spend a Friday!

Happy Snow Day!

Larkspur Cove by Lisa Wingate

I haven't finished this novel yet (been a hectic week as you all know for my family) but so far I am enjoying it. It was very different for me, since the most recent Lisa Wingate books I've read were her Daily, Texas series which were romantic comedy, heavy on the comedy! This novel by Lisa is still beautifully written as always and intriguing, but at times very heavy.

Probably my personal mood from my own family's crisis these past weeks are making it seem heavier than it might for someone else. But I'm not quite halfway through the story and I have high hopes for a happy ending ;)

Lisa's penchant for detail gives this story a beating heart of reality. I love her writing style! I recommend this story already, and hope to finish it in a few days.

Here's the back cover:

Adventure is the last thing on Andrea Henderson's mind when she moves to Moses Lake. After surviving the worst year of her life, she's struggling to build a new life for herself and her son as a social worker. Perhaps in doing a job that makes a difference, she can find some sense of purpose and solace in her shattered faith. For new Moses Lake game warden Mart McClendon, finding a sense of purpose in life isn't an issue. He took the job to get out of southwest Texas and the constant reminders of a tragedy for which he can't forgive himself. But when a little girl is seen with the town recluse, Mart and Andrea are drawn together in the search for her identity. The little girl offers them both a new chance at redemption and hope--and may bring them closer than either ever planned.

About Lisa:

Lisa Wingate is a popular inspirational speaker, magazine columnist, and national bestselling author of several books, including Tending Roses, Talk of the Town, Drenched a Thousand Voices, and A Month of Summer. Her work was recently honored by the Americans for More Civility for promoting greater kindness and civility in American life. Lisa and her family live near Waco, Texas

Purchase your copy of this heartfelt read HERE!

Of funerals and snowstorms

"I hope the limo driver didn't see me in my underwear."

That's a direct quote from my hubby the morning of his mother's funeral. I'm pretty sure in Heaven, she was cracking up as hard as I was. Leave it to her son, my husband... :)

The morning started out rough. I set my alarm for 7:00 am and thankfully woke up at 6:58 as the power went out. It was storming something fierce. I begged God to turn the power back on. I had to get dressed, we were already running a little late, and I couldn't go to a funeral with wet hair. The power came on, I praised God, and ran around getting dressed quickly as the storm continued to rage. I pleaded with God to next stop the storm. My grandma was coming out to our house to watch Little Miss for us, and that was going to be strange enough for her, much less with the threat of thunder outside. (Little Miss is terrified of thunder!) I finished drying my hair, turned the hairdryer off and voila - the lights went back out.

"Really, God?? Really? Today?" I was stressed.

Hubby got up and tried to get the generator going to give my grandma and little miss power to watch and tv and keep the fridge cool, etc. He couldn't get it going for awhile, and kept running outside in various stages of dress to try next tactics (hence the opening line to this blog)

I meanwhile was in my closet, reading outloud from Matthew where Jesus calmed the storm. I figured I'd try everything I could! Slowly the storms subsibed, thank you Lord, and hubby got the generator to work (though he could have flashed the limo driver at some point in the process)

We finally left, just a little bedraggled and only ten minutes late.

We got to the service early enough, thankfully, and the rest of the morning remains a blur of hugs, love, tears, sobs, music, encouragement, and hope. Everything was done so beautifully, the flowers were gorgeous, the music perfect, the testimony from my MIL's best friend lovely, the mini sermon from our pastor so encouraging and heartfelt.

The day before the funeral, Hubby had gone with our music minister to the church and recorded himself singing "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns. Hubby's song was then played during the service (the same song he sang to his mother in her last hours) and I think I used every tissue in the place. So touching. Not a dry eye.

And it even snowed at the gravesite :)

I wore a dress and a thin sweater wrap and wow, it was cold. But it still seemed appropriate. There were many jokes and teary laughter about "leave it to Cindy to have this done on the day it suddenly and shockingly drops 30 degrees in an hour" :) She'd have liked that. She's gotta go out with some drama...

I think it was all a success.

Here are some pictures I took of the visitation of the flower arrangements and some special touches. I wish I had pictures of other special moments but some things are too sacred to mar with film.

This first arrangement one was sent to us by our SS class at church and made by a sweet friend with super crafty talent. I love the butterflies incorporated and the bird on the stand. Flowers and animals - that was SO my mother in law. The other one with the purple flowers is the one my Little Miss "sent" to her Mimi. All the grandkids "sent one" even though they're young. I thought that was a special touch and great idea my sister in law and her aunt had. The third flower arrangement is a beautiful one my grandparents sent to the funeral home. I love the purple. So cheerful!

The picture of the boots are my MIL's boots that she wore the day of the accident. They didn't leave my husband's truck from that day until 19 months later, the night of the visitation...